TODAY I CHOOSE: 17 days counting

I found myself about to Mapquest Lewisville Park, a place my parents took me a hundred times in my youth. For some reason, it seems that if I have adequate recourses available I lean on them instead of go with what I already know - an unnecessary dependence. There comes a point where I just need to drive myself in the direction I know. I am at Lewisville park, the landmark of my baptism. My baptism was my coming of age story. Half of my life ago, I was here, professing my faith in Jesus Christ before God and man. When I was 8 years old, I remember asking my dad several times if I could be baptized but he always said no. One day he told me to stop asking him. He said that I would know when I was ready to be baptized because there will be an obvious change in my life. It was here when I was 14 that my parents came to give me away…to complete trust in my new father. The best choice I ever made. My family’s faith had become my own.

Today is the 1^st day of SEVEN, my church’s 7 day corporate fast. I am taking today to reflect on the person I have been over these past 14 years of my new life. Thank God that I am where I am today! I hope that in 14 years I could look back on now and say the same thing. I want every day to be better than before and for myself to be an ever growing, ever satisfied individual. I only look at my past to be thankful for today. I don’t want to speak of the good old days as if they were better than now, or live in depression from a past I can’t forget, nor speak of a future that may not even be attained. I choose to enjoy today. “Give me today my daily bread.”

This positive mindset I have also adopted for my fast. I choose to dwell on the cleansing and not the impurities. I take pleasure in the yummy drinks and ignore the hunger and weakness, knowing that what I am doing is for my own good. I recently was watching A Beautiful Mind which is about John Nash, a brilliant mathematician who struggled with paranoid schizophrenia but eventually won the golden peace prize for his work. A man asked how this credible professor at Princeton University was able to overcome his hallucinations of the mind. Nash said that “I still see things that are not here. I just choose not to acknowledge them.”

This is the 4^th day of my fast and I am now experiencing the difficulties of food deprivation. The first two days were a breeze. The third day I developed an unquenchable thirst. I now consume 5- 32oz containers of juice a day, each juice made of several pounds of fruits and vegetables. I also have at least 3-32 oz of water per day. I go to the bathroom at least once an hour. This morning my entire body was very weak. While getting up I blacked out for 30 seconds. Small exertions of energy are taxing. My stool today was dark, almost black. –not sure if this is from toxins in my kidneys? Canker sours are on my tongue. My tongue is green. My breath is fowl. I am not going to ignore these challenges but as my grandma Mimi says, “I’m going to keep my grief brief.”